I am so close to the half way point of this deployment I can almost taste it. I have mostly good days with only a few bad days. Yesterday and today have been bad days. I decided my deployment diary wouldn't be completely accurate without at least addressing some of these bad days. Plus I have a hard time being my usual witty self on days like these...hard as it is for everyone to imagine :)
Seriously though every now and then these days hit where I cannot shake the situational depression that comes with deployment. There's no getting around it, and the only way out is through. I just keep doing my usual routine until the depression passes. I manage the anxiety and the depression with lots of exercise. When it gets really bad I will work out in the morning and the evening to try and shake it. My husband is my motivation.
I'm also afraid that if I quit moving, I won't get back up again. I have to push through these awful lonely days. Routine is everything for me. I'm merely going through the motions on these days, and I am completely numb to everything and everyone around me.
It is physically exhausting missing someone for so long with no end in sight. I never get a break or a rest from missing my other half.
I have heard that a pregnant woman burns as many calories as a woman hiking in the mountains...I would like to add military wife with a deployed hubby to that category! That's how it feels all the time, like I am physically climbing a mountain.
Regular physical exercise is a key component of my routine. On these particularly difficult days I can hear my dance teacher's famous line "when you feel like you can't take another step, take 2 more, because that's when you get strong." She coached me all the way to the top.
Not only can you make me laugh but you can make me cry. You said it exactly how it is and you took me back in time to when I was there in your shoes. It is phyically exhausting. Your right it wouldn't be a true diary if you didn't put the difficult days in with the good. Because they are always there and are real. I love that saying from your dance teacher I'm going to use it :) Keep pushing through tomorrow will be a new day and one more day closer!! You can do it. I love ya! Keep smiling and stay positive. At the end of a hard race the prize is that more glorious!!
ReplyDeleteGreat words Mandy...and Melissa guess what? I am the prize! Whooo Hooo! I am the prize...never thought of myself as a prize before. :)
ReplyDeleteI love you so much. Thanks for being so tough! I know you can do it. I know the feeling of numbness...I have felt it every day since I left you!
Awww thanks for being such a great friend Mandy! It's nice to know that you felt that way too, you have always made it look so much easier than it is!
ReplyDeleteAnd Ben yes you are the prize :)